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Barely older than me at the age of 22, Mike Posner is making waves in the music industry. The single “Cooler Than Me” has done quite well including reaching number 6 on the Billboard Top 100. Odd for a song that reveals Mike Posner to be an awkward dude who’s been stalking a girl. Let’s have a look:

If I could write you a song,
and make you fall in love,

This man retreats to his room at night and writes emotional poetry and songs about how alone he is and how everyone else is just a player hater. Also, they’re terrible so don’t impress anyone.

I would already have you up under my arm.

Putting a girl’s face in your armpit is not considered polite in the United States.

I’ve used up all of my tricks,

Funny jokes, pick up lines, wing men, chloroform, etc.

I hope that you like this.
but you probably won’t,
you think you’re cooler than me.

Either he can read minds or is in denial of the fact that the root of the problem may be with him.

you got designer shades,
just to hide your face and
you wear them around like
you’re cooler than me.
and you never say hey,

It’d be easier if she wasn’t trying to hide from her stalker. Still don’t know? It’s you, buddy!

or remember my name.

It helps if you’ve actually talked to her at some point.

its probably cuz,
you think you’re cooler than me.

More denial.

You got your high brow
shoes on your feet,
and you wear them around,
like they ain’t shit.
but you don’t know,
the way that you look,
when your steps
make
that
much
noise.

He’s been stalking her long enough to know what shoes she wears. And in fact he’s put listening devices in her high brow shoes, hence the noise. It’s really loud through his earpiece.

see I got you,
all figured out,

A little black book with everything she’s done for the last month.

you need everyone’s eyes just to feel seen.
girl, your so vain,
you probably think that this song is about you.
don’t you? don’t you?

It is.

if I could write you a song,
and make you fall in love,
I would already have you up under my arm.
I used up all of my tricks,
I hope that you like this.
but you probably won’t,
you think you’re cooler than me.

you got designer shades,
just to hide your face and
you wear them around like,
you’re cooler than me.
and you never say hey,
or remember my name.
it’s probably cuz,
you think you’re cooler than me.

At this point, I’m gonna say that everyone can agree the hobo down the street who generously makes donations of his bodily wastes to the public has become cooler than him.

you got your high brow
switch in your walk

It’s called running.

and you don’t even look when you pass by.
but you don’t know,
the way that you look.
when your steps make
that
much
noise.

It really does help if you’re not hiding in a dark, shadowed corner.

‘Cause it sure seems
(‘Cause it sure seems)
You got no doubt
(That you got no doubt)
But we all see
(We all see)
You got your head in the clouds
(Clouds)

A.K.A. “I just drugged you.”

If the lyrics aren’t enough, take a look at the music video:

Less than 30 seconds into the actual song (the first minute is just some filler /transition type material) we can already see that the character in question has no respect for personal space. For some reason he thinks he’s in a world where he’s the only one moving around and begins to mess with girls’ shades, blatantly stealing one at 1:32. With the shades on the illusion disappears but now we’re witness to the guy walking around – and if we’re to believe the camera is his perspective – getting up close into girls’ personal spaces staring at them, and then at 2:18 taking pictures of presumably random girls in a drunken stupor. At 2:24 the girl he steals shades from returns and takes them back angrily. The man dismisses her emotions with a flick of his wrist and walks off completely unaware that his actions were the cause. He probably thinks the blonde chick is “cooler than [him]” too.

Later, at 2:48 he starts getting close to a girl who is clearly not interested. And then blatantly steals her glasses right off her face. Clearly this individual is oblivious to social etiquette. I really think he’s also on drugs because with the glasses on he sees an entirely different party in which he barges in on conversations not with an introduction or even a witty comment but with his face pushing up toward the girl’s face, completely ignoring the other participant. At 3:26 we find this man in bed with a girl who seems incapable of moving due to either crystal meth or vodka. Aaaand he takes her shades! Does he have a fetish or something?

At 3:37 the drugs must finally be hitting their peak because the world is oddly colorful in colors that shouldn’t be there and as he tries to grab a girl he misses completely partly due to her walking off disgusted (look at her face!) and partly because his motor control has reached nil.

After stumbling around a bit he decides to steal ANOTHER pair of shades, this time from an unsuspecting guy and begins to fantasize about girls in their underwear.

Finally, he leaves the party as the drugs wear off returning to his lonely reality continuing to think to himself that the only reason he doesn’t have a stable life is because the people around him think they’re cooler than him.

Poor guy…

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  1. […] message but end up providing much evidence for the direct opposite. Take for example, my first post in “What Songs Really Mean”. Check it out and let me know what you […]

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